The bedroom is boring. Sleeping after all same sex, well, is more boring. You knew this for a while but didn’t know what is missing. Then your best friend told you about a book named Fifty Shades of Love.
You started to read the book and yes this is it!!
YOU KNEW IT!! You are not alone. People dream about weird fantasies. And they make it real. Those fantasies are not weird but common
Sex is now awesome again. More pleasant. NO NO! It is ORGASMIC. And you remember how it feels.
First things first; what is BDSM and what does BDSM stand for?
BDSM is varieties of different erotic plays and/or roleplays that include Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and sadomasochism. Although it sounds a bit scary, it is not. A BDSM game may be played as simple as with a blindfold and a handcuff. Of course, there are more hardcore erotic plays such as cages, locks, electro gear hot candles, sex benches, and so on.
Well, we are not at that point to go extreme, yet. Let’s start it, simple.
1.Having the right partner
BDSM is not a solo play. You need a partner or desire two. If you are already committed to a relation, then it is time to talk to her(or him). You can skip to send step or keep reading.
In case you are single, finding an open-minded partner may take a bit of time. But not as long as you may think sex is less taboo in this century.
you have 2 options; online and offline
The First Online option is kink/BDSM dating sites. Finding a good site may take a bit of time. After you join one, your search for a partner begins. Remember that you are new to this experience. You are still discovering yourself and experiencing new pleasures. It can be good to take it slow and find someone like you. Discovering things with someone like you can be more exciting. She will be also new to this kinky play. Anything will be arousal.
On the other hand, if you meet someone who into this for years, you will learn from an expert. Talk to her. Explain yourself, your fantasies. She must know whom she is gonna meet. Some girls desire this. A new guy is in the game and she will be his first.
The second option for online search is forums. There are many fetish/kink forums online. A good source to find people to lead you. Don’t be shy and ask anything. Involve in chats. You have something in common with them and everybody is there for a specific purpose. Many times people organize a party and meet. You can join the parties to have a good time and you are gonna meet someone like you eventually.
2.How to get into BDSM? Lead with questions
If you are meeting someone regularly already, you can be a bit nervous to expose your ideas and introduce any fetish/BDSM activities to her. You can start telling her about a movie (fifty shades of gray ?) you have watched and what you liked in that movie. Watch a few movies together.
Leaving a few BDSM novelties where she can reach easily can pamper her curiosity. Underlined sentences and/or take notes on the book may help her understand your interests.
Encourage her to talk about intimacy and discuss new things. Your new sex adventure does not necessarily start with hardcore BDSM activities or toys. Roleplays may work well here. Something that both may enjoy.
- Enrich your routine with BDSM based movies
I do not mean porn that you watch alone in tubes. Some real movies. Below is a shortlist you may enjoy;
Kink- Netflix
My Mistress- Netflix
The Story of O – Netflix Amazon Video (book available also. Some say the book is better)
If you like some more action and into Japanese movies, you can check out R18 movies.
3.Set the rules
Once you are ready with your partner to experiment with new things in your new sex life, both of you must agree on what you want to try and how deep in you will go. While both of your desires may vary, by time tastes and expectations will develop. New experiences will be there to get the pleasure. When blindfolds don’t satisfy you alone, would you like a nipple clamp? Maybe both…
If you are not in an actual relationship, you may not need to set a strict or prewritten contract. However, in case you have a kinky sex buddy just for BDSM meetings, then you need predetermined rules. What are the limits? How hard will you go? Knowing the limits from the beginning will prevent anxiety and shame out of communication. What kind of toys will you have? Who will pay them? You may be willing to try your new kinky sex positions but she may not be open to all your sex ideas. Setting some rules from the beginning will help the couple
4.Safety matters
Entering BDSM World requires you to educate yourself and learn more. Especially about safety. Using clamps(genital or nipple), restraints, cuckolds or electrical toys can be health threatening. Setting a safe is important to promote safety. While a safety Word (or a signal if gagged) keeps the sub safe, the dominant should obey the Word and pause or stop. Choose a smart Word that you wouldn’t use during the sex play. If you are a sub and your dom doesn’t honor the safe Word, better to stop seeing that person. Your safety comes first.
Staying away from fire, electrical, torture, or needle plays would be best to avoid injury.
Especially DO NOT try any kind of hardcore BDSM activities with anybody new, someone you met at the bar that night for example. Everybody is not skilled yet to use that kind of toy and even experienced players can make mistakes. Your safety matters.
The idea behind BDSM is hurt but not harmful. Yes, being hurt during the activity arouses some people but it should not harm the person in the long term.
One last warning about safety is, do not ever play if you did drink alcohol or if you took any drug (if you are high). This applies to your partner also. Alcohol and drugs will reduce the reaction time and you may not recognize if something goes wrong.
Finally last words. As a vanilla BDSM player, you will have lots of fun and pleasure. Find other kinky people and talk to them. Don’t be shy, there are more people outside than you think and they enjoy it. Even right now. Discover new sexy ideas.
Be safe, stay sexy.
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