The 36 Questions That Lead two strangers to fall in love

Have you ever heard of the 36 questions that lead to love? This set of questions was made popular by Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, where she shared her experience of falling in love with a stranger by asking and answering these questions. The questions were originally created by psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues as part of a series of experiments on the development of a close relationship.

The set of 36 questions is divided into three sets, each set becoming increasingly personal and leading to feelings of closeness and intimacy between two strangers. The questions range from small talk to personal questions and even asking and answering a problem to reflect on how you seem to someone you’ve just met. One of the key patterns associated with the development of a close relationship is self-disclosure, and these questions provide a way to get to know someone on a deeper level.

The 36 Questions That Lead two strangers to Love

In the 1997 study conducted by Aron and his team at Stony Brook, two strangers were asked to spend four minutes of sustained eye contact and then answer a set of 36 questions. The study found that this exercise led to feelings of closeness and even a second date between some of the participants.

If you’re wondering how to fall in love with anyone, the 36 questions are a great place to start. By sharing personal information and asking for advice on how they might approach a problem, two people can quickly become vulnerable with each other and create a good match for a romantic relationship. Question 24 asks you to share your partner’s advice on a personal problem, which can be a powerful way to increase intimacy between two people.

Can two strangers fall in love with the 36 questions?

The 36 questions experiment, originally designed by psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron, aims to create closeness between two strangers by fostering a sense of vulnerability and self-disclosure. While the idea that two strangers can fall in love using these questions is intriguing, it is essential to remember that love is a complex and multi-faceted emotion that cannot be reduced to a simple formula. Nonetheless, the 36 questions can serve as a powerful tool to promote deep connections and understanding between individuals.

DR.Arthur Aron

The questions are divided into three sets, each designed to escalate the level of self-disclosure and vulnerability gradually. By answering these questions and actively listening to the other person, strangers can establish a sense of trust and rapport. Although the 36 questions alone may not guarantee love, they can foster the foundation of a strong emotional connection that may eventually develop into love.

How does the 36 questions method build intimacy?

The 36 questions method builds intimacy by encouraging participants to share personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences with each other. This process of self-disclosure and mutual vulnerability helps to create a sense of trust, understanding, and emotional closeness between the individuals involved. Each set of questions is designed to progressively increase the level of intimacy, with topics ranging from basic preferences to more profound reflections on life and relationships.

Falling in Love

Throughout the process, participants are encouraged to maintain eye contact, listen actively, and genuinely engage with the other person’s responses. This fosters an environment of empathy and validation, which can contribute significantly to building intimacy. By the end of the 36 questions, participants often feel more connected, empathetic, and trusting towards each other, laying the groundwork for a deeper emotional bond.

How do the 36 questions work?

The 36 questions work by gradually increasing the level of self-disclosure and vulnerability between two individuals who may not know each other well. The questions are divided into three sets, with each set designed to delve deeper into personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences. By answering these questions honestly and openly, participants reveal aspects of their inner selves that they might not typically share with others.

The process begins with relatively light and non-threatening questions, such as asking about a perfect day or a skill the participant would like to acquire. As the conversation progresses, the questions become more profound and intimate, touching on topics such as love, trust, and the meaning of life. By the time participants reach the final set of questions, they have shared a considerable amount of personal information, fostering a sense of trust, understanding, and empathy.

Love at sunset

The 36 questions also involve four minutes of sustained eye contact at the end of the exercise, which can help to enhance feelings of closeness and connection further. Overall, the 36 questions encourage participants to be vulnerable, share openly, and actively listen to one another, leading to deeper emotional bonds.

Here are the 36 questions to fall in Love

Ok. You waited long enough to learn those questions to make her love you. Here is the set of 36 questions that lead to love:

Set I:

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

Set II: 

     6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

  1. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  2. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  3. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  4. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Set III:

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

  1. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
  2. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
  3. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  4. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  5. What do you value most in a friendship?
  6. What is your most treasured memory?
  7. What is your most terrible memory?
  8. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
  9. What does friendship mean to you?
  10. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  11. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
  12. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  13. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
  14. Make three true “we” statements each. For example, “We are both in this room feeling … “
  1. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
  2. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
  3. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  4. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  5. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  6. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
  7. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  8. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  9. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to make a final dash to save any one item safely. What would it be? Why?
  10. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  11. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.